So, per yesterday’s post, I am in the midst of earning yet another battle scar. We all have them. We either wear them with pride or try to hide them under a forced smile. Well, there is no, as Tyra Banks would say, “Smi-zing” with my eyes. I can toss out a smile and a chuckle, but my eyes say it all. I have spent more time in the last few days holding my cell phone like it’s a lifeline- or the opposite. I pray she has more time to spent with those that love her fiercely, but I know she is hurting and that makes me pray for her peace.
It confuses me that I can pray for life and death in the same breath. I love this woman enough to beg for more time yet love her enough to let her move on. I feel selfish for wanting time. Am I being selfish? Yes. I am. I’m not the one holding her hand right now. I’m not the one listening to her haggard breathing. I’m not there. I am tucked safely at my desk talking to you. I won’t be there when it all stops. I will be the one clutching my phone when it is all over. I suck!
What you must understand is I do not allow many family members into my life. FAMILY has done more harm to me than good and I find it safer to place a large barrier between me and mine and THEM. This woman, however, is not blood but true family in every other aspect. She was a voice of reason, a calming air, a lover of life, and a blessing in my safe sheltered life behind my barriers. Its amazing how we could go long periods of time without contact but fall right back into place the moment the phone rang. I never doubted her love for me, and I pray she never doubted mine for her.
The world turns and lives change. Some come in and others go out. It is her time to leave with a wave and soft smile. When her last breath passes her lips, I offer her blessings of peace, a gentle drift into the great wide open, and a happy greeting from those who passed before.
Never hesitate to tell those you love how you feel. Time can stop for anyone at any time.
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** As of 5:30 pm the evening of March 6, 2019, Mrs. Maryann Baxter
has found her peace.
May she be greeted with love and open arms from those who left before.
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Polish your sparkle and just keep twirling.
Find joy. Be joy. Enjoy.
I’m always looking for new friends! 😊
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