Did you miss me?
So sorry. My doctor decided to give me several birthday gifts. None of which I really wanted but apparently needed. This is what happens when you turn 50!
- I received, without ceremony, a Cologaurd box. No, I did not want this for my birthday. But…butt- HA! Anyway, I got this box and followed the instructions and THEN had to take it to a UPS office. Do you understand the level of embarrassment there? The best part that made me burst out laughing in UPS was when I turned around and found 3 others holding the same box. Happy Birthday to us! FYI- the cologaurd box wasn’t hard to do. Gross? OMG, yes. But it was far better than having a colonoscopy. Just so you know.
- The Boob Squish. Argh. I get it. I am old. It sucks. Having two plexiglass plates compress body parts into the thickness of a pancake is not fun. On the other side, I did go in my 30’s and they found something(s). Something(s) that required surgery. I will put up with the squish, but it does not mean I have to like it.
- VAMPIRES! They are now hiring vampires as phlebotomists. Dude, they took enough blood to satisfy even Dracula’s appetite. They left me woozy and in need of fruit juice and a cookie. I donate blood regularly and never felt that drained.
- Scales everywhere. I had to weigh-in so many times and in so many offices, but the weight never matched! What the hell! Do they plan it like that to scare us? I am down nearly a stone (according to my scale) but none of theirs registered that amount. Kind of a slap to the ego right there.
- Spectacles, not testicles. And now I must update the glasses perched on my face. Haven’t made that appointment yet cuz- argh.
So tired of being reminded of my age by every avenue out there. Do you have any idea how costly it is? I have insurance that covers most of it, but I will get an out of pocket bill. Glasses aren’t free either. Let’s not forget the ego blast. Yes, I am 50 but I don’t have one foot on a banana peel and the other in a grave. Geesh.
We will get back to The Novel Writer’s Toolkit by Bob Mayer next time. I am now going to call around for a good place to get my eyes checked and find glasses that aren’t totally horrible for my face. Wish me luck.