My life has been a bit of a crap storm the last 2 weeks and today- today I had to stop myself from unloading on an idiot.
I went to the gym in an attempt at getting my mind and body in sync. I needed to suffer and sweat and feel pain. What better place, right? I worked out. I left people alone because that was what I wanted- to be left alone. I had Avenge Sevenfold screaming through my earbuds so that I didn’t have to hear or interact with anyone. It worked- until it didn’t.
I had spent nearly an hour in my own headspace making advancements in my mental wellbeing when I got slapped with- “Awww…you should cheer up.”
Wait? What? A person who works at the gym told me to cheer up. Does he know me? NO. Is he aware of what has happened in my life? NO. Was that a sexist statement? FUCK YES! If we take my current situation out of it, what he said was sexists. He did not say that same statement to any man…ever. Therefore he should not have said it to me. Period. Now add to that the fact my father died less than 2 days ago and I am ready to kill someone.
But instead, I leave him with my best death stare and drive home in tears. I cry when I am angry. When I am required to maintain my rage it will surface as tears and in essence make me look like a crybaby which ticks me off, even more, causing, you guessed it- more tears.
His words were inappropriate in any situation. But my situation just happens to be very raw at the moment.
Dear Gym Douche,
Think before you speak. Being a dick isn’t attractive in any way.
The rage is real in me right now and all I wanted to do was workout and release some of the energy and angst. I needed a release and all I got was more aggression to work out…at home…alone. Guess I’ll scrub the tub with a toothbrush using just water, elbow grease, and anger.
I am trying to resurface and take a cleansing breath after being submerged in a realm of hell the last few days. It’s been harder than I thought it would be. Stay with me. I’m trying.
Guide me my friends to…
Find joy. Be joy. Enjoy