Is chivalry dead or just in a coma?



[shivuh l-ree]
noun, plural chivalries for 6.
1. the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms.
2. the rules and customs of medieval knighthood.
3. he medieval system or institution of knighthood.
4. a group of knights.
5. gallant warriors or gentlemen:  fair ladies and noble chivalry.
6. Archaic. a chivalrous act; gallant deed.
Which is it?
Do men still open doors? Do they walk to the door to pick a woman up for a date or just blow the horn to let her know he’s waiting? Better yet, do they walk a woman to the door after a date to ensure their safety and not just hoping to get lucky? I know some forms of chivalry may seem archaic in the modern world, but when did common courtesies become obsolete?
1. When did it become okay to text EVERYTHING? If you want to go on a date with someone the least you can do is CALL them to ask them out. Yes, it’s nerve-racking. Yes, you run the chance of hearing ‘no’, but you also get to show her that you are interested enough to dial her number.
2. Why do men bitch if a woman gets cold and asks for their sweatshirt or jacket?
     * Here’s the deal guys- if you don’t “plan” the date and inform us on how to dress for the occasion we may not be prepared for subzero temperatures at the hockey rink. If you didn’t tell me to bring a jacket how would I know I would need one. Besides, I like the way my hubby’s sweatshirt smells and want it wrapped around me. MAYBE, she feels the same for you. The key is planning. Don’t pick her up and ask her what she wants to do. You asked her out. This date is on you. In the future, if the relationship progresses then you can be spontaneous about it. But not date #1.
3. Pick-up -vs- Meet = if you have only known one another for a very short time I’m cool with meeting at a coffee shop or restaurant for the first date, but if you aren’t strangers and have known one another for months then pick her up…at her door. Sadly, we do have to worry about safety, but respect is also key. If you are hoping to turn this date into a possible relationship then put your best foot forward and ring the damn doorbell.
4. DRESS FOR HER. She is going to stress over the right outfit, her hair, and makeup so that she impresses you and those who will see you together. She wants to show her best face for you. Do the same. Shower put on clean clothes, make sure you don’t look like you slept in your outfit the night before, COMB YOUR HAIR, don’t overdo the cologne, and, yes, I must say this…brush your teeth.
You see, women don’t just dress for you for a date, they dress for everyone who will see you. Think about it this way, say you are taking her to a company party and you are hoping to make an impression on someone higher up the corporate ladder, wouldn’t you want your date to have taken the time to look her best? She is an extension of you. It seems odd, but it’s true. When you have someone on your arm they become a part of your image. If I showed up at my husband’s office wearing torn sweats and a stained shirt that would reflect poorly on him as well as me. So, dress the part.
5. On the date- don’t touch your cell phone. This goes for both of you. You can’t connect with one another if you are too busy connecting with everyone on social media. If you are expecting a call let your date know. You don’t have to chronical every second of your date on Twitter so all your friends can follow along. Focus on the two of you and if it goes well then share with your friends, BUT not in great detail. Bragging is crass. Keep some of the mystery to yourself especially if this is a new relationship that you are trying to form.
6. The Three Day Rule- you know the one I’m talking about. You don’t text or call for three days after a date- IT’S CRAP! Guys, if you enjoyed her company and would like to see her again, and didn’t plan another date that night, it is okay to call her. CALL HER. Now, if things weren’t all that sparkly and you are on the fence about seeing her again then take a day, but not three. I know this sounds crappy, but ghosting her is a wuss move. I get that they may not have turned out to be “the one”, but be respectful enough to say so. Ghosting is weak.
Chivalry may be an old concept, but can easily be reintroduced into today’s dating world. I’m not saying you have to arrive on the back of a white stallion wearing armor- not that I would complain- but you can ring my doorbell or hold the door.
Now, I know people will argue that this may go against feministic views or women being equal to men. But, I view this as respect, not an act of dominance.  Can a woman open a door for herself? Of course, we can. This is about showing her that you value her, you respect her, and you want her to see that you are a gentleman. Even if this date does not lead to another, don’t you want to walk away knowing that you did it right?
I don’t believe chivalry is dead, but I do feel it is on life-support.
What do you think?
Share your thoughts with me along with ideas for future posts.
***Thank you, Andrew F., for your suggestion for today’s topic.***

Author: Ticia Rani

I am...interesting. I am a writer, dreamer, mom, wife, veteran, friend, villain, and the wearer of many hats, but I don't look good in hats- go figure. I LOVE TO WRITE. I want to tell stories. I want to make you laugh, cry, and scare the crap out of you, and make you ask "why the hell did you do that?" I want to make you cheer my characters on or want to shake the crap out of them for things they say and/or do. I want to bring you along for the ride. Ready? Set?...READ!!!

2 thoughts on “Is chivalry dead or just in a coma?”

  1. Now Ticia do you believe that chivalry has shifted into a different Paradigm now or it’s the same just not recognized? With women taking more responsibilities more and more now verses 20-30 years ago?


    1. Yes, I do believe there has been a shift in what is considered chivalrous. Does that mean it’s dead- no. It just means that women don’t want you to throw your coat over a mud puddle but it would be nice if you threw it around our shoulder. Some acts are obsolete but not all. You just have to figure out what works for you and the woman you are with.


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