I’m feeling a bit lost today. Adrift in the world with nothing to hold on too. Welcome to the world of Bipolar Disorder.
I feel no shame in who and what I am. I embrace the gloom and allow myself to get comfortable and revisit whatever it is my brain is trying to show me. Don’t get me wrong- I have rules.
- I must share my funk with someone who knows and cares about me enough to watch its progression.
- I have a five day limit on the funk before I reach out for help.
- I don’t wallow in the gloom. When it’s over I dust myself off and move on.
Yes, I am medicated. Yes, I take it daily. Yes, I know this is a forever and always disorder. No, it doesn’t bother me.
You can’t enjoy the beauty of the world if you have never seen the ugly side. I’ve seen it. Stood in it and survived it. I have stumbled in the dark but found my way back into the sun. And today is no different. It’s just a world of emotions that have come to visit all at once and I get to attempt to sort them out and make sense of the knotted mess. It will pass just as a good rainstorm will leave the world a better place for visiting.
Bipolar Disorder is not a sentence. It has actually given me a reason to focus on smaller things in my life that make me happy. It is my job to ensure my happiness, not someone else. I would never put that burden on another soul. Just as it is not my job to ensure the happiness of others.
I am blessed to have wonderful people in my life who are there for me when the storm clouds settle overhead. I pray that everyone has someone who will sit in the rain with them just to watch puddles form. You can find beauty in a mud puddle if you look.
I think this melancholy wreath that is hanging around my neck is a sign that I need to work on a piece of my writing that is gloomy and dark and needs the emotions I’m battling right now.
See, there is even a reason for the funks we experience in our day to day lives. Learn from them. Allow yourself to feel them. Engage it and see where it takes you. It may take you to bed and force a much-needed nap on you or, like me, it will point out a task I have been putting off for a little too long.
Tomorrow is another day and the sun will rise. No worries, my friends, I will find my way back into the light.
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