Okay, as you may know, I have been learning how to take care of myself. Self-love does not come easy to most, so I am taking you all along with me on this journey. What I have learned, so far, is that the moment you stand up for yourself you become the bully. Not kidding here.
If you remember this journey started when I chatted with my therapist who gave me a set of guidelines to follow. What you must understand is I didn’t go into this swinging a bat at all the people who done me wrong. In essence, no one did me wrong. No one took a swing at me with the intent to hurt me. I never said they did. What I said was I felt disregarded and disrespected. The fact of the matter is this: I felt, and therefore am right, disregarded, and disrespected. My feelings are valid and correct for me.
This is where I became the bully. I hurt the feelings of some people who hurt mine. Are you following that line of logic? Me neither. By being honest with myself, and all you awesome-sauce readers, and learning to love myself, I hurt their feelings…? Here’s the kicker. Are you ready for this one? I was told I should be the bigger person and apologize…??????????????
Yeah, I’m confused too. What would I be apologizing for? Loving me, protecting myself from the actions or lack of actions from others, or talking about it? I will not. I have not lied. I did not swing a bat and even if I did, they weren’t close enough to strike. My intentions were not to hurt others but to learn, and to help you learn, the steps to self-love.
I will continue the process and I hope you will follow along. This ‘bully’ title is part of the game. There will be people in your corner who do not have your back. What does that mean? Get them out of your corner. More isn’t better than quality. Having twenty ‘fair weather friends’ have less value than three true friends. Not clear? Twenty pennies have less value than three quarters. One quarter has more value than all the pennies. See?
We have to prepare for the road ahead. We all long for a friend who sees our talents, qualities, and thinks we hung the moon. Did you know we can be that friend to ourselves? It’s true, but it ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. Take my situation as an example. All roads have bumps, potholes, ups and downs. The goal is to be as prepared as possible to face them all. Some will be easy to approach and maneuver while some, not so much.
Self-love isn’t limited to mani-pedis and facials. It’s more than that. It is so much bigger. It’s about nurturing our needs and talents. We need equal time. Think about all the time you invest in others. You promote their accomplishments, skills, hopes and dreams, but what about yours? You can’t assume they will do the same for you. Don’t believe me? Pick one of your friends and think about everything you have done for them in the last three months and then what they have done for you. No, it’s not a contest, it is to see if there is give and take or just take and take and take.
Embrace your vulnerability. If you are a guy, Hi- welcome to my crazy, and it’s okay to let down the tough guy persona. If, you are a woman, it is okay to release the caregiver role. Let yourself need things. Let yourself need help. It’s hard to admit when we can’t do something. I am not a mechanic. I have no clue how to replace a clutch. I wish I did but I do not. I am not a plumber. After dealing with plumbing issues two weeks back and seeing the bill…man do I wish I was a plumber. Dang! I had to ask for help. I needed someone else to step in and fix a problem. Knowing and accepting your limits is part of the self-care journey. Let those who know the way, show the way.
Knowing you have supporters, like the plumbers from the above example, is all part of the road we are on. Weird road? Yup, but like I said, there will be bumps on our journey. This is when we find our supporters, those trusted people in your life, like family members, a partner, and a therapist. Are all family members good for you–God, no. You are not required to open your life, home, or money to all your biological family. Not everyone related to you cares about you. Learn that lesson early. It will prevent issues further down the road on our self-love exploration. One less bump to deal with.
Remember, if they don’t have your back get them out of your corner.
Thank you for your comments, love, and support. If you are enjoying the journey, click the ‘follow’ button on the side of the screen and have these lil gems drop right into your in box. Let me know how you are doing and if this journey of self-love and care is helping you find, well, you. Take care of you and I will chat with you again soon.
Until then…
Polish your sparkle and keep twirling.
Find joy. Be joy. Enjoy.
I’m always looking for new friends!
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