I bet that title made you look twice. I bet you clicked on it to see if I’m a total a**hole. I might be but we’ll see.
If you haven’t read my last Personal Journey post, dated March 8, you should so this one makes a bit more sense.
So, as you read, I remained silent and have continued to do so to those who dropped me like a hot potato. Don’t feel bad for me. I don’t feel bad. But now I have another problem…other people think I am being cruel because I’m remaining silent. What the…? They believe it is my responsibility to reach out to those who haven’t contacted me.
Why is it my responsibility? Why do I have to make other people care about me? Simple answer, it’s not. I have come to learn, with the help of my therapist, that my feelings are valid, and I need to learn to value them. If someone doesn’t like me or wish to maintain contact, that is not up to me. We must understand that their feelings are just as important as our own.
I talked to the Hubs about what people are saying when he asked a question that made me think.
“Do you miss them and everything that goes along with them?”
Sadly, well, maybe not sadly, the answer is no. At first it bothered me to think that I’m not upset about the loss of some people. The doc told me to truly review the times I spent with these people. Who initiated? Who drove? Who paid? He said to go into detail and see if our ‘friendship’ exchanges were equal, or close to it. This brought us back to contact. Texting, calling, and visits.
Doc: “Ticia, telephones work both ways. If you can reach out, and their phones are functioning, then they are equally able to reach out to you. Yes?”
Me: “Ugh, yes, I know this rationally, but I’m not always rational.”
Doc: “laughter…I am aware.”
I truly hate it when he’s right (not really).
The lesson here that I want you all to learn is this:
It is not your job to maintain other people’s feelings. They are allowed to not like you, to not spend time with you, and to not care about your feelings. Just as you have the same rights.
Self-love is hard and, in most cases, is a new relationship. Yes, loving yourself is a relationship. A relationship is about respect and trust. If you don’t have that for yourself then you will lose who you are. It’s all about supporting yourself physically, spiritually, and mentally. It means taking care of you first. Did you read that? You have to be FIRST.
We’ve all heard the line, “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” As annoying as it may sound, well, it does to me, it’s true. You can’t give what you don’t have. If you don’t have it, it’s because you didn’t give it to yourself. Yup, empty cup syndrome. I should copyright that. “Empty Cup Syndrome” created by me (3/16/22)
I have to admit, I am still struggling with this lesson. Have I scrolled through my texts to reread messages from people I haven’t heard from in months? Yup. Does it hurt? Less each time I look. Some I have even deleted. From my phone, not from my heart. Would I willingly jump back into a friendship with one of these people? Jump, no, I would have to tiptoe my way in and see if it is safe for my own wellbeing. Slow and steady. Ready to back up if the situation calls for it.
This has been a slow lesson in self-love and respecting what is best for me. I’m still catching heat from people who don’t understand what I have done and why. Once again, it is not my place to change their beliefs. It is my job to protect me and mine. Standing up for myself has been difficult. I have always willingly jumped into battle for everyone else. Hence my military service. Now I am standing up for me.
Louder for those in the back!
I am standing up for me.
Universal Code for O-B*tch-uary: https://books2read.com/u/bOZe8o
Universal Code for Sin Full: http://books2read.com/u/m2Vdqd
Author Page: amazon.com/author/nellawarrent