Personal Journey: Recovery & True Beliefs

I will be the wall for her to lean on when she needs the support and a soft place to fall when she needs tenderness. I will forever be her mamma.

Okay, so our baby girl made it through surgery with a major hiccup. During the procedure some things were noted so the doctor reached out to our girl’s proxy. Mind you, she had signed off on a certain procedure, but the proxy changed it. Like changed it to the point that she (our girl) will have another surgery inside a year. ANOTHER SURGERY!!!!

So flippin cute.

This proxy disregarded her wishes. HE put his priorities in front of hers. He and I had a conversation just an hour before where he told me what he wanted, and this wasn’t it. I am so flippin confused. Why would he change her surgery to open the possibility to a ‘magical unicorn baby’ when he doesn’t want one now? I say magical because it would have to be a true gift of the universe for her to become pregnant- hence the surgery to remove the mass, yes, another monster of a mass, and any reproductive option. Do I wish for this baby for her- absolutely. She would be a truly amazing mother.

What this means for the future is more pain, high risk for more masses and cancer. But hey, it isn’t his body, right? She filled out papers agreeing to what is called medical sterilization. Does it suck major monkey balls? Lord, yes, but she knew it would reduce her chances of cancer and effectively eliminate her constant pain. SHE SIGNED for that. Why would he disregard her wishes?

What’s bad is I have been struggling to like this guy. Like, I don’t trust him. Now I trust him even less. I could barely be in the same room with him when we went out to see her. I limited my words to him in fear I would rip his face off.

Mamma is mad.

Our girl is a chameleon. What I mean is she becomes what someone else needs even if it is opposite of who she truly is. My major issue is that his beliefs are totally opposite of hers. I know her stance on certain topics and his differ, but she now stands on his side of things or keeps her mouth shut about who she really is. If she truly believed his beliefs, I could handle it, but I know that isn’t the case.

Example: She grew up an ally. She planned and attended a dear friend’s ‘coming out’ party. Don’t jump on me for this- it is what they called it. This girl/woman was someone who spent time in our home. She was included in things we planned and places we went. Now our girl keeps quiet about this because he isn’t comfortable with the LGBTA+ community. <–This ticks me off so bad I want to slap him and her. This isn’t the only issue; he is pro Lord Damp Nut (Trump). ARGH!!!!

I want her to be true to her. I want her to be able to stand for her own beliefs. I want her to make choices for her own body. But he is her choice, and I must bite my tongue. I will continue to be there for her, cook her favorite meals, and hold her tears she cried when he wasn’t around. I will be the wall for her to lean on when she needs the support and a soft place to fall when she needs tenderness. I will forever be her mamma.

At some point, I’m gonna bite off my own tongue. Help!

Author: Ticia Rani

I am...interesting. I am a writer, dreamer, mom, wife, veteran, friend, villain, and the wearer of many hats, but I don't look good in hats- go figure. I LOVE TO WRITE. I want to tell stories. I want to make you laugh, cry, and scare the crap out of you, and make you ask "why the hell did you do that?" I want to make you cheer my characters on or want to shake the crap out of them for things they say and/or do. I want to bring you along for the ride. Ready? Set?...READ!!!

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