Yes, I love the Hubs will all my being. BUT- he does not control my happiness. He adds to it, sometimes even subtracts from it, but he does not control it. I decide what makes me happy. I have control over my emotions (sometimes). So, why do we leave our lives and loves in the hands of others?
As women, we were taught from a very young age that we have little to no value if we aren’t on the arm of a man. Your words have no more meaning than the moo that spills from the mouth of a cow. Women are equal in value to the cow because we are merely possessions. Things to show off to the guys. Bullshit. Thank all things holy we are moving away from that teaching pattern.
We are (in the US) not sold to the highest bidder or traded for land rights. We have the right to choose who and what makes us happy. We can except of decline any proposal we choose. But that doesn’t mean they own us. We can try anything. I say try because we can’t do all things, but we sure can try.
I do things I want and don’t force the Hubs to participate for two reasons: he doesn’t want to and I don’t want him to. Just as he does things I don’t want to partake in. That is choosing our own happiness. That is encouraging others to seek out their joys. I don’t have to be there standing next to the Hubs to be happy that he is happy. Nope. In fact, it makes me happy to not be standing by him while he is happy doing things that don’t make me happy.
“Whew– my fingers hurt after typing that.”
I like all things words. I like to read them, write them, look them up and see where they came from. But the Hubs? Not so much. He doesn’t mind reading them, but not to the extent that I do. He writes, but only when “in the mood”. I write…all the time. I write on here and Facebook and WIPs and writer’s groups and critique groups and coffee shops and…you get the picture. He doesn’t stop me from reading and writing because the Hubs knows it brings me happiness to kill people on paper. Just as I don’t stop him from target shooting, or bike riding with his brother, or watching movies that suck out IQ points the moment you turn them on. He enjoys those things and I like to see him happy.
See? You can find joy without someone controlling it. We do a lot together. We spend plenty of time doing what we love together and just as much time finding joy in things we don’t share. My happiness does not depend on the Hubs giving me permission.
How many times have you said- “I would love to but so-and-so wouldn’t like it.” Why does so-and-so have the power to stop you from your joy? Because you gave it to them or they took it while you weren’t paying attention. You gave it by saying, “I don’t care. You choose.” They took it when they repeatedly talked you out of doing things YOU love in exchange for things THEY love. It’s time to get it back. It’s time to claim your own joy for life.
What joys have you set aside for someone else? Do you still love it? If you could do it right now, would you? What’s stopping you? How do you remove the obstacle that is holding you back? Wanna talk about it? You know where to find me…hit me up in the messages and let’s find joy together.
Until then…Find joy. Be joy. Enjoy.
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