I am knee deep in learning how to write the words and get people to read them. Sounds easy, right?! WRONG! Nope. No.
I can throw thousands of words on the page, but the part where you get professionals to read them is damn near impossible. You see there are rules and steps and sacrifices to make. I just haven’t figured out how many virgins and on which day of the moon cycle they must be sacrificed. Can you use an accelerant or should it only be wood? Males or females? See…tons of rules. Argh!
Don’t worry. You won’t be alone out there fumbling around in the dark. I’ll be there. I’ll hold your hand and we will wait until someone shows us the way out. We will look for the strong, intelligent, well-informed voice in the crowd. It won’t be me, cuz I’m just as lost and confused as you are. I’m the one jumping up and down in the back. Waving my arms around trying to get people to notice me. But, I’m facing the wrong way. Yea, that’s me.
Can we talk? I’m mean, can I dump my soul out for you too pick through and help me find my way? Yes? Cool! Can you explain these words to me…
Query- what form of torture is this? How do I do this…successfully…without turning into a puddle of stressed out goo?
Synopsis- Um…Good Lawd! This, this is painful. They want me to take my 374 pages book and compress it down to 2 pages…? If I could do this well, why would I write 374 pages in the first place?
Agents- <– Okay- this one is confusing. You need one, but only if you never had one before, but some publishers don’t require one, but you need them to show that someone read your work and thought it was good enough to get one…? My head hurts.
Branding- Who are you as a writer? Hmmm…I guess you could say I am – unsuccessful-. I have written books, edited them to within an inch of MY life and have made terrible attempts at queries and synopisisisissss (Have no idea how to pluralize this word. No one does so don’t try.) I be poor. So, all the money I need to get my books professionally edited and covers made and shined to make them sparkle…Where does this money come from? Do you have a money tree? Can I dig up your money tree and plant it where only I know where it is? Just asking.
Formatting- What? Where to put the page break, chapter breaks, how thick or thin are the page edges…I got nothin’.
Okay, whine-fest is put on hold for the moment. It will continue at some point, but I will get nowhere if I stop trying. I want this. This is my dream and if it was meant to be easy then everyone would do it. Right?
Off to get some more coffee. Pet the Great Dane for calm. Avoid the cats cuz they are cranky in the morning and then I must get back to chasing words. They aren’t going to write themselves. No, really. I asked. They won’t.
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New Ink. Used Ideas. 