My Personal Journey: I’m Learning

Let me explain something to you and I hope you learn to use this: We are not responsible for another person’s feelings.

…to care about me.

I find it shocking, well, maybe not, the reactions I am getting from others at my attempts at loving myself. We all know how hard it can be to accept the concept of self-love and implementing it. This is why people quit caring for themselves.

I am being held accountable for how others feel. It is not my fault if you see these posts as a mirror to your actions. If someone called me a jerk for something I said or did, that is their opinion, and it is not wrong. If they felt that way, I have no reason to doubt it. I may not see it the same way, but it is not my place to fix it either. Allowing others to have and experience their own feelings is the right thing to do. It’s like asking someone their favorite color. It’s not wrong even if it’s not your favorite.  

Let me explain something to you and I hope you learn to use this: We are not responsible for another person’s feelings.

  • If you don’t like me then that is your choice. It is not my job to change your mind. It is not my job to make you feel better about me. My job is limited to my own care not theirs.

This is what others are fighting me on. How do I handle this? I allow self-compassion. I cannot fix the world or the people in it, but I can control my responses to it. Suffering is a part of life, and you have to be willing to be kind to yourself while dealing with it.

I understand the reactions of these other people. I do. At one time, I would have reacted the same way. We all want everyone to get along. We want our tribe to except the status quo. I cannot do that anymore. I am willing to meet you where you are in life, but you have to be willing to do the same.

My journey of self-acceptance and self-care are far from over. The learning process alone is daunting. Being a woman makes it that much harder. We have been taught from day one that others matter above ourselves. I am attempting to rewrite my own DNA to change this outlook. It’s a case of practice makes mildly better. Eventually it will become a permanent practice.

I played the flute way back in high school. Did I pick it up day one and play the Flight of the Bumblebee? No, that took a few years of practice. It took years of studying and making horrific noises in my bedroom before I could manage that piece of music. What would make me, or you, think we can grasp the idea of self-care easily? It takes time and the willingness to practice it.

A calming practice:

  • Close your eyes and practice intentional breathing.
  • Allow yourself to become calm as you inhale and exhale.
  • Take the time to identify the feelings that made you uncomfortable.
  • Where in your body did you feel these?
  • Remind yourself that your emotions are natural and valid. It is okay to allow yourself the compassion you need to process them.
  • When you feel calm, take a deep cleansing breath, release it, and open your eyes.

Remember:

  • We are doing the best we can, at the moment.
  • Even when we struggle, we are still thriving.
  • Our feelings are neither good nor bad, they just are.
  • We are learning and growing every day.
  • We are learning to listen to our bodies and our feelings.

Learn to care about yourself in the way you care about others.

Let’s learn to love ourselves, flaws, and all.

Author: Ticia Rani

I am...interesting. I am a writer, dreamer, mom, wife, veteran, friend, villain, and the wearer of many hats, but I don't look good in hats- go figure. I LOVE TO WRITE. I want to tell stories. I want to make you laugh, cry, and scare the crap out of you, and make you ask "why the hell did you do that?" I want to make you cheer my characters on or want to shake the crap out of them for things they say and/or do. I want to bring you along for the ride. Ready? Set?...READ!!!

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