The Best Project?

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I saw this image a few weeks ago and it stuck in my head. I couldn’t quite figure out what it meant to me. Originally I saw it as a gym type advert. ‘Work on you cuz you are worth it’ kind of thing. But now I’m seeing it in another light.

I am Bipolar- as I have mentioned before- and have oddities that make me AWESOME. You can admit it. You think I’m pretty amaze-balls too! Anyway- when something is bugging me, and most times I have no clue what it is, my eye twitches. Like, it twitches so bad a person sitting across from me can see it move. Freaky! It is ridiculously annoying. It had been working overtime for the last 3+ months and I could not, for my own sanity, figure out why.

And then…it stopped. Something happened in my world and the twitching stopped. It wasn’t gradual. It wasn’t a slow systematic shift. Nope. It stopped. Now I know what had set it off and can now control said situation. I hadn’t been listening to myself. I wasn’t making my own needs a priority so my body was trying to tell me that I needed to be a project I worked on daily.

I now know that I must practice more of what I preach. You can’t care for others if you are a train wreck and apparently, I was a hot mess in my own mind space. I was so worried about things I could not control or change that I wasn’t seeing myself suffering.

I make lists. Lists for groceries, dogs, yard work, house cleaning, meal prep, things to do for other people, wants & dream…but no list titled:    TICIA

I don’t have a ‘to do’ list for me.

I need one.

I need to be more mindful of the things I do and the people I allow in my orbit. Too many things flying and something is going to break, like, me. My eye is gonna start twitching again and everything I have in orbit will crash. I must learn that my peace is as valuable as someone else’s needs.

Why do we never see our own value? Do we find value in how much we are needed or wanted by others? I wouldn’t mind that so much if it was to spend time with people but it always seems its what I can do or give that draws people to me. I need to re-evaluate much in my little slice of the world.

Find joy. Be joy. Enjoy.

Published by Ticia Rani

I am...interesting. I am a writer, dreamer, mom, wife, veteran, friend, villain, and the wearer of many hats, but I don't look good in hats- go figure. I LOVE TO WRITE. I want to tell stories. I want to make you laugh, cry, and scare the crap out of you, and make you ask "why the hell did you do that?" I want to make you cheer my characters on or want to shake the crap out of them for things they say and/or do. I want to bring you along for the ride. Ready? Set?...READ!!!

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